By Just because casual sex has not only been legitimized in recent years, but veritably been made the social standard, doesn’t mean that it’s always super healthy. The ubiquity of porn, media examples, and above all, the swiping model of dating apps have all contributed to a society where hookup culture can be the default — “If having sex was once taboo, not having it is today,” says Washington Post columnist Christine Emba in her book Rethinking Sex: A Provocation. This pressure to hook up can lead to having — and even seeking out — sex when you don’t really, genuinely want it.
But that isn’t to say that casual sex is itself a problem — approached properly, if anything, it can be and is empowering, liberating, and most importantly, pleasurable. The key is knowing that you’re in it because you want to be (pun not intended), and you’re aware of and prepared against potential consequences, like catching something (be it feelings or STDs). So long as that’s true, you should go forth and get laid.
The dedicated hookup app is the horny person’s vessel for hot instant gratification. But the cool thing is that most dating apps can be used for sex purposes these days. Where you decide to go to find your casual fling really just depends on how much you’d like to know about the person in your bed. The butterflies of meeting someone new are still there — they just might be happening in a different region of the body.
Is casual sex bad for you?
When you seek advice on how to become the best sexual partner, you want to talk to those who have already figured it out. So when a friend was asking for some direction in the realm of sexual compatibility, we got her a gift: one of her other friends, a relationship expert. Here’s how she made the expert pick herself.
1. If I always laugh at your jokes, does that mean I’ll be your best friend?
Laughter is the universal sign of happiness. It’s the cue that also indicates you’ve made a good friend. Laughter and best-friend-magic are so intertwined, it may feel like the two go hand-in-hand. However, when it comes to your sexual relationship, laughter is often interpreted as a sign of attraction or interest (and that’s not necessarily a good thing).
“Of course it may be entertaining at the time, but should you feel
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In the past, straight sex was both potentially physically and emotionally intense, says Kloet Sorensen, an associate clinical professor of sexology at the University of British Columbia. “But in order to get intercourse, couples had to put in a lot of work, and often had to build up a tremendous amount of trust over time.” Sticking to this model could lead to the idea that only committed relationships should be considered good, he says.
Is casual sex really healthy?
Yes — and no.
On the one hand, casual sex can often lead to greater intimacy with the person you’re sleeping with than most of your partner’s other casual hookups. This could mean that when you’re cuddling up afterward or doing your best to ensure that your sexual spark will be as strong as possible for the next time, you’re setting boundaries that are more intentional and profound than if you were getting down with someone who you weren’t that close with, Kloet says. Plus, when it comes to relationships, you’re going to want to be with your partner, and not just anyone.
On the other hand, casual sex can also lead to an abundance of casual sex partners — in some cases, dozens of them. And some of those people may start feeling like they owe you something for meeting them, Kloet adds. But rather than stopping to consider how that might feel, perhaps it would be best to be open about what you’re getting out of casual sex and why you’re doing it.
Is casual sex common?
It’s hard to say for sure, but a recent review of the research from the Sexual Health Research Network reveals that almost two-thirds of women who have sex with more than one man in a year have had casual sex with more than five people in a year, Lifehacker points out. And, again, this has been common for a few years now.
You may wonder how casual sex got its mainstream spotlight these days. If you’re looking for some clues, the rise of the internet is largely to blame. While studies show that people were having sex before the invention of the internet, social media and the prospect of porn mean that more people are willing to show their bodies in today’s online environment than in past decades, says Sorensen.
While all of that stigma makes it a little harder to suggest that casual sex is now the social norm, there’s also evidence that people are having more sex than ever, or are at least working toward that goal.
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